How to be okay with pandemic weight gain

My body changed during the pandemic and I’m okay with that. 

 

I’m not entirely sure if I gained weight or how much, because I don’t weigh myself (part of my recovery), but I have noticed some changes in the way my body looks and feels, and the way my clothes fit.

 

For a very long time, I wasn’t okay with gaining weight, or even the idea of gaining weight. But for me, this seems to be a new step in my eating disorder recovery – the missing piece, in a way. I’d been fighting it for ten years. I’d think that I was letting myself eat whatever I wanted and as much as I wanted, but diet culture had me terrified of growing in size. And that’s a huge problem.

 

At first, I had some anxiety about my fuller body, new butt and thigh dimples, and my pants being tighter. I was afraid it meant that I’m less desirable, that I’d be judged, ashamed, abandoned by those who love me, and ultimately alone. Isn’t that what we’re all afraid of? 

 

Honestly, my ingrained fatphobia still has me afraid of getting bigger, as if the size I’m at now is acceptable, but any more bigger wouldn’t be. It’s awful that we’re programmed this way, and that navigating society in a larger body is so much harder than doing so in a thin body. No wonder so many of us are afraid of being fat. Weight stigma doesn’t just affect mental health – causing us to be at war with ourselves, at risk for eating disorders, enslaved by diet culture and unrealistic, ever-changing beauty standards – it also affects physical health. If we’re really concerned about “health,” we need to confront fatphobia and make our world a more inclusive and accepting place for people of all sizes. Yes, even the largest of us. It might sound really radical, but perhaps radical is key in making change. 

 

Most days, I truly love the way my body looks and feels – and not in a “trying to convince myself to love my body” kind of way. I’ve expanded my own standards of beauty. I love my rolls and stripes and dimples and softness. I also recognize that even though I’m a bit bigger than before, it’s still easier for me to love my average-sized body in a fatphobic society than it is for those in bodies larger than mine. People will most likely applaud me for it, while larger folks will be shamed and told to lose weight if they express love or acceptance of theirs.

Even if you’re not an eating disorder survivor, and you gained weight during the pandemic, it is entirely okay. The multi-billion dollar diet industry is taking advantage of this moment when many of our bodies have shifted, selling us false hope and fleeting validation. But there is another option, one that is much more sustainable: acceptance.

Here are some things you can do right now to move towards making peace with your body and the possibility (and inevitability) of her changes:

• Regularly look at pictures on social media of bodies the same size as yours or bigger. Look at bodies with cellulite, stretch marks, and rolls. The key is, while you’re looking at them, re-condition yourself to see them as beautiful or even just neutral. Think to yourself, “All bodies are good and worthy” or “I actually really love the way those hip dips look…and mine are like that too.” I’d heard about looking at these types of photos before, but when I really started re-training my brain to see them differently, it was a game-changer. We really need to undo a lot of the conditioning we’ve had for our whole lives about how people are supposed to look, and learn a new way. 

• Love on yourself. Lie in bed and run your hands lovingly over all of the beautiful, interesting features you have. Trace your stretch marks. Squeeze your bulges. Dancing, shaking, jiggling are also fun ways to enjoy your body 🙂

• Buy new clothes. You deserve to feel comfortable! Going up a size is not a moral failure. I know this one may not be accessible for everyone, unfortunately. And in terms of mental barriers, I’ll share that I’m still learning to let go of the jeans I used to love but aren’t very comfortable anymore. I’m confident that I will find a new favorite pair. They’re just pants after all, and no one really wants to wear pants anyway.

• Remind yourself that you’d rather have cellulite or more fat rolls than an eating disorder. Truly there’s no competition. 

• Surrender. Let your body be what she wants to be. She’s so much wiser than we give her credit for. Let go of trying to manipulate and control her, so you can be at peace.