Am I too much?

I learned I was too much when the boy I had a crush on in 7th grade said I was “too emotional” and flushed my love letters down the toilet.

I learned I was too much when exes called me crazy and punished me for crying or said that maybe they didn’t actually want to be with a depressed person.

I learned I was too much when a former male supervisor took credit for my work and shut down any opinions or ideas I expressed.

Too much emotion. Too much space. Too much neediness. Too much caring. Too much speaking up for myself. Too much me.

Not enough silence. Not enough compliance. Not enough softness. Not enough chill. Not enough happy.

I am not perfect. I fuck up sometimes. I say more than I should. I have expectations that are too high. I put my needs first. I can be reactive. I’d like to be more compassionate and patient and see the good in things more often. I’ve grown a lot and still have a long way to go.

Though I wonder how much of my desires for self-improvement are influenced by patriarchal expectations of how women should behave. Maybe putting my needs first is actually, on some level, making up for the centuries of women who put everyone else first, and for the times I have put others first when I shouldn’t have. And maybe we need to take a hard look at the systems of oppression that label people as “too much” for expressing intense emotions, especially anger…which may be why we are angry in the first place.

I’d rather be too much than the patriarchy’s “enough.” I would rather scream out loud than inside. I would rather be heard and hated than silent and supported. I’d rather be fully me than pretend to be someone else. I’d rather be left for speaking my truth than loved for a lie.

If you’ve been told you’re too much, I feel you. And I want you to just be you. Don’t shrink or mute yourself to appear easier and quieter and happier. Confining all that’s inside you to make others love you will backfire. It’ll all spill over eventually.

It’s possible that you may be “too much” for some people, but maybe those people aren’t enough for you. Your fullness of being will be the right amount for the people who need to be in your life. You don’t need to squeeze into someone else’s definition of enough.

You are invited to let all your “too muchness” out right here. What have you been called “too much” for and how can you reframe it?

Here’s one to get us started: “I have a whole, full spirit inside of me. I have FIRE. I am abundant. I appreciate my depth of emotion and I won’t let anybody make me feel bad about it. I will surround myself with people who appreciate and fully accept me for who I am.”